i've come to the end of the second week of my holiday and..i havent done much work yet.hais.i'm so disappointed w/ myself.

wednesday, i accompanied dear to the doctor's for his ankle's checkup..walked around orchard and went back to his hse..went home at about 9pm..
thursday, i spent the whole day at home..doing..nothing..ok..well..my building materials application elearning assignment lohs.hais.feeling really sick and forgetful lately.yes..studying is great..it keeps ur mind awake.
on thursday, his ex added me in friendster..and i felt freaking upset..coz she used to be so pretty..unlike me.fat and ugly..hais.i felt super zhi bei coz she's got big boobies..='((.i know its stupid but i cant help it! and she's so sexy..me lehs..try to be sexy let ppl laugh and scold only lohs.hais.i felt damn sad..cried myself to sleep.

was unable to wake up on friday for my cca..but luckily i did.was kinda late but jam was later than i was..went there..meeting lasted for abt 45 minutes and we left for bugis.wanted to get him a long sleeve shirt he always wanted as his 33rd month gift..but while shopping..i forgot to sms to tell him tt i reach bugis le.he was angry and i dont blame him.it's all my fault.last time whenever he doesnt inform mi about his arrival at some place..i'll get angry too.so what to do?..i was moodless..almost felt like crying..coz lately, he's been really fierce to me.and plus the invasion of his ex..i really couldnt help but think tt he doesnt love me anymore since he's always so fierce to me lately.jam n i went home after a while, empty handed.
reached home...slept till dinner..den he called..asked mi to meet him coz he fang gong le.was hesitant about it.coz i dont wish to fight and quarrel with him anymore.i'm sick of feeling all those..it'll only make me sad..thinking we're together to fight..not to love.i've been consoling myself..each time smt happens.i'll tell myself..this world is still beautiful.and jam once told me.friends of god are people who make peace..not make war.i wanna be a friend of god.

went out eventually..he camee to fetch me.we went to bugis again.and...he bought himself his long wanted shirt and i felt like a loser..lost to him..sad that i couldnt buy it for him b4 he buys it himself.hais.while walking, we saw my cca ppl.a guy.i remember telling dear my cca grp only got indians and muslim..no chinese..i forgot about my group head..he's the one we saw and he's a chinese.hais.he got all upset and everything.why..why is he always angry w/ me.what to do.i was like this too.whenever he misses out someone..i'll be angry too.it's all retribution.the only time i enjoyed last night was sitting in mos burger..drinking milk tea with him.=))

we cleared up our fight and went home aft tt..we talked over the phone and hung up after a while.he then sms telling me about his plans for sunday..then i told him i will be having my CIP work on sunday.he got pissed again because i didnt tell him b4hand.i lied saying tt i did.hais.which i shouldnt have..guess that made him more pissed.but i just simply forgot to tell him wat.hais.there is no need for him to be so mad at me.


why why are you always so mad at me over small matters. i swear i forgot and its not coz i didnt bother to tell u anything.hais.maybe u just dono how i've been feeling lately.ever since tt day we chiong..i've been feeling troubled and down..my heart seem to be somewhere else.and it really hurts me whenever u dont believe that i forgot something and when u believe that i was only trying to lie to you when i'm not.i feel really troubled w/ myself for being so forgetful and troubled w/ you being so ever fierce w/ me lately.
you said i needed more protection from u in the past and i seem stronger now.


yes..i was strong..but u wore me down..when u were the only one who can make me strong and happy again.


dang wo nan guo de shi hou..dang wo liu lei de shi hou ni zhi dao mah?..dui ni lai shuo, wo hai shi ge xi huan sa huang de nu shen..bu shi ni de lao po.



wei she me yao dui wo na me xiong..shi bu shi ni bu zai teng wo le?..='(