wahaha..here i am using airport's free internet..yeaps..lame n stupid but whatever=)..tatas..will blog when i can..kekes..missing everyone already..my daddy..mummy..him..jam..ok..e list goes on..=)

should i be happy or sad?..

case one: today's e last day of O..there's a gathering tmr evening but i'm flying off to shanghai early in e morning tmr..
case two: went for an interview..pay not veh good..but near his house~!
case three: my bf's sister's hair is so nice..i'm jealous but happy for her..lalala~
case four:i'm going on a holiday and when i'm back..he's entering e army

so how? happy or sad..?
went to sch tis aft for last paper..was ok..took a cab to his house aft tt..went to marina south for steamboat..he pei mi till ang mo kio n took a bus home..all e way back to clementi.must have been hard on him..was playing a fool all e way home with him.had fun..=))..felt kinda sad tt he didnt send mi all e way to my doorstep..was kinda sad tt i'll be leaving him alone here n i'm going all e way to shanghai.sorry baby..hais.wish i didnt have to fly off so soon.promise to buy as many things i can for u k?afterall i dont need much things frm der..i've got almost everything~!thanks to you baby..always buying things i want for mi n not taking care of ur own needs..muackss.love you,,sorry cant pei u when u're only left with a one week plus b4 entering army..i'm terribly sorry.u must take care of urself k?..i'll miss u..will blog when i can when i'm in shanghai..had a great dinner althou e food not nice..keke.wat matters was his company~!=)..i'm scared n worried for baby..hope he wont get into any trouble when i'm away..coz if anything happens to him..i cant be there for him..haix..



jam..althou keith n u not veh close these days.i really hope he will treat u gd n make up for it after his family affairs..hope nth bad happens n hope u'll enjoy urself at ur new job..if u can get it..must sms my boy ok..if e pay is good la..lolx.den he interested..bleahs..=P..anyway..u must take good care of urself too


yes..mummy's finding fault with mi..coz i didnt have dinner at home..hais.wanted to..but i wanted to spend time with baby more~! sorry mummy..i'll be gd in shanghai k..and i appreciate ur help in doing all my laundries..=))..lols.=P

i'm back from my boy's house..went to tampines mall yesterday with my parents to change money for renmingbi..lols.bought a half black jacket..went to my nai nai's house after that..left there at 8.15 pm to take a cab down to phoenix hotel..meet my boy and his friends to enter music underground..! first time chiong..woots~!used ting hua's gf's ic to get in..lols.had a nervous time memorising her ic no. address..finally got in..everyone was like dancing from wherever they were..i didnt dance a wee bit..lols..shy plus..i dono how to dance.felt so not steady..=P
anyway..it was fun..music blasting lohs.stayed there till smt happened n we all went to cini in ting hua's van.smt stupid happened in e van..cannot say..lols.damn embarassing..
went home after tt..didnt slp well.lols.woke up..went to eat tim sum with my boy's family.went back to his house after tt..was coming outta e his father's car n another cab drove pass mi..splashing water all over mi lo..sho suay..anyway..rest a while n we headed to meet ting hua n wee wee..lols.went to bugis..walked a little.den came back to clementi..saw a job vacancy in a photo shop..was asked to go back for interview tml..yawns..yeahs.had popiah for dinner and went back to his house.and here i am..typing my blog.=)

hope jam had a great weekend~!hope she was kept happy thru out..=)

OOoooOoo.i'm back..yes..my blog seems kinda mouldy..wHoooo!completed all papers..only left a stupid one hour science paper on tuesday and will be flying off to shanghai e next day!!yays..hope i can buy cheap n gd things.i pray hard tt there will be other clothes other than winter wear..
spent most of my week dilly dally-ing at home.wed's geog paper 1 was Oookay and today's history was not bad..yeahs..
went out wit jam n julia to bugis today..i met them at j8 and before they came.i've already spent $30 der..on a gift for jam..a necklace n a bag which i regretted buying..but nvm..will think abt dealing with it later..went to bugis..all 3 of us bought a original mickey bag for only $9..original price was $33 can!!..great buy man..i think if i hadnt bought it.i wud be feeling stupid now..=)
boght a top..wore it to let him see when we met n he said it looks weird..ya la.i noe i fat..wear wat also not nice nahs..hais..JULIA~!!!! we must jian fei..but if hua na too expensive..think i'll just take up line dancing at some ulu CC..lols..crisis la..i am so damn determined n wanna jian fei lohs.fatness..my world is only filled with fats..only fats..ahhh!!!!!
oh no..i can go on and on abt my fatty life..lols..shall stop n gonna play bejeweled!!today was a great day!! excep for some unhappiness at his house n my fugging period came to haunt mi with pain..thnx mummy...she gave mi a pair of earrings.=)
today's a wonderful day yeahs~!

hehes..tomyum goong was nice! went to amk to watch n had dinner der.he said he'll be home b4 evening but only went home at night.n took cab back.hais.y bother taking a cab back when u're already late for so long n waste money.was angry not coz he's late but coz he nv tell mi he'll b late lo.yesterday morning he called mi once he woke up.i was still pissed with him..only 2 days after we patch..he nv do anything special still fine lo.but still do things tt make unhappy..wat kinda patch is this.couples who just patch are e most loving.but we lehs?i noe i veh petty n attitude but u think i like meh?hais.just have got no confidence.yes.he'd changed..but only a little.i'm still giving in lo.but this time..i wont b e same.so forgiving so accommodating..hais.just woke up..called him but he was busy at work.went to look at e newspaper for jobs..told him abt it when he called..i noe i shudnt lose myy temper but i already veh keen in looking for a job den u kip joking..hais.den u start giving mi attitude.i also not purposely de.watever la..each day passes by n e only feeling i get is tt ur change will nv last long.mayb i'm e cause of it to fade away coz i so attitude but i just feel tt.since wanna patch.i wanna see if u've really changed.actually this period of time..u're under probation lo.no matter i wrong or wat also must give in lo.but no.went all e way to clementi.tot he wud come n fetch mi eventually but no.took a lonely bus ride and he tried to make mi cheer up but no lo.i just dun want u to think tt making mi happy will cover up all e things u did to make mi feel unhappy..went to party world.didnt sing a single song.lols.told him i wantd e taka necklace..$19 only.he lied tt he going toilet and went to buy it even whem he was broke.dear..wanna let u noe.i'm not with u coz of $.u no $ i'll still stick with u de..only if u treat mi gd.each time i see my friends who have worst attitude than mine..whose bf are so understanding n tahan their attitude..i wish u could too.i'm not comparing..just veh envious..tt's y when i give u attitude n u fa pi qi..i get more angry..thinking y u cant b like others..hais.i know u see le sure not happy but tis is how i feel n see things.i noe u've tried to make mi happy..but i also dono y since we patch..i xpect more from u..when i dont get it.i become damn angry too.so..e key to make mi happy is to be e perfect bf..=) and i'll b happy n not give u attitude.=)

hais..woke up with much disappointment..thnx jam for jioing mi ti study geog.i wanted to go but i tot i was going with him to wild wild wet with his friends.went his house yesterday..spent most of the time alone..he had to go back to work last minute.went for a feast for dinner..was his dad's bday.went home n slipped out at night to go to his friend's chalet.was disppointed already when i was in e cab n told mi 2 gers will be going der soon.before i reached.i called him.tot he wud pei mi tok on da phone but no..when i reached he said tt i'll confirm be zi bei coz e ger isnt ugly..to him she was not bad..hais.yes.i admit.indeed she's better den mi in figure and looks n evrything la ok..i also knew tt if i hadnt went down.he might not even tell mi abt those 2 gers..he'll just say they came down a while nia.den think i'm petty la..i was really disappointed again when he said tt they're staying over too.but in e end they didnt.went to bowl.had a cup noodle n went home.he asked mi to join him for wild wild wet.rejected him initially but agreed in e end..but when i woke up..no sms telling wat time to go wild wild wet..called him no one answer..den he just called to say tt he just played finish.hais.i said i told him tt i wanna go n he said i didnt said so.he's always not paying attention to e things i say..hais.why.it's only been one day and i'm filled with disappointment le.jam was right..mayb things will go back to normal.nth will change.i feel so silly to believe tt he'll changed.yesterday..he was indeed sweet towards mi..but at night at e chalet..it seemed to be fading away slowly.i feel veh disappointed.and worried tt we'll both go back to square one again.hais..i feel like crying.mayb if we hadnt patch.i wud have felt happier.just e 2nd day n i'm unhapy.he's unhappy too.he must b thinking i'm kicking up a big fuss la..watever.just wanna go to bed now n nv to wake up again..hais..i'll be watch tom yum goong with my parents in e evening..not going to my nai nai house for dinner this week..tatas..see u..shall make an escape out of all tis disappointment.

i'm at hiis house now..lols.yes..i know wat u ppl are thinking..ya..we'ra back together..bleahs..he waited outside sch for mi today.i didnt wanna see him de..den i went home with jam le..made him angry like shit wors'''lols.den he came my house downstairs to mit mi..den i went downstairs lo..tok tok tok..lalala..den together le lohs..=P


i must say..i've been smiling since then..lols..i sound so crazy..i am la..sometimes..=))

today's math is so easy! but cant speak too soon..what if i've made many mistakes how..lols..pray hard..i feel so relaxed now..only left one major paper..history..=P
i must jia you wors..after tt stupid n unlucky ss paper..=P..

just return home frm geog paper..so freaking weird.dono wat e question is asking for.hais.anyway.didnt really studied for it.so cant expect much..keke..tired..tmr is math paper2..hope it'll be easy..kekes..nth to blog nehs.jam.remember arh.xmas go ur house party hor.lols..if can den party.cant den ton can le.lols..oh..18th go shopping..better start saving now..lols..wakakaka.gdbye..i'm always supadupa high during e day..when night falls..i start to miss him.and i guess part of me still wants to be with him.i think he has been living in my hart for so long..suddenly he's moved out bringing everything with him except for his hart..hais..miss him.suddenly realised tt i've changed so much..he was right.but i believed all was for him or coz of him..i'll wait for e day when i'm better and be his better girl.not someone who is so uncivilised and someone hu loves telling lies..only to him.not my frens..i dono y..mayb coz my frens dun mind e things i do so no need to lie to them.hais.i'll try to be someone who loves to wear long sleeve shirts and cover evrything.not tt i wanna let ppl see or wat..it's confidence tt i want lo..not ppl to look at mi.who cares if they look at mi.i just wanna feel pretty..althou i'm fat lahx..but i'm determined to JIAN FEI!!!



Os coming to an end..things i plan to do n must do::
# pack luggage for shanghai trip
# curl + dye hair
# I MUST slim down..mayb join some dancing class
# room makeover
# shopping!
# take more fotos with jam
# find a fun n gd n high pay job
# earn lotsa $$$$
# everyday pray for gd O level result

today was a terrible day for mi..i slept late last night and was practically sleeping wherever i go.at e bus stops..in e bus and i decided to drink coffee and it really worked..hahas.
today's english was kinda difficult and physics was so damn complicating and tricky..hais.die..

just reached home.jam's dad fetch mi home.so nice of him to drop mi off directly at my doorstep..hhas..tmr got geog paper..must chiong..i havent even started my revision as i couldnt study for it earlier on..hais



for him if he sees this..
i maybe in e wrong for lying to you when i went irc but i swear i didnt flirt or go der to flirt with guys.i didnt even left anyone my hp..friendster account..anyway..i figured.even if we were to be together..things wud be e same..like in e past till now..u will still think me as a flirt..hello..who has more ex than mi when i only have 4..in ur eyes..i'm jus some cheap girl who goes around flirting..u make mi think tt i'm a slut..i dono y..i dun even dare talk to a male stranger eye to eye..let alone flirt..hais.anyway.i wont ask for a patch.in fact i'm tired of living a life whereby i'm being tot of as a flirt or slut by someone whom i really love.it's time for mi to be nice to my parents..whom i chose to argue with for you..for e time being..no more steads..wanna enjoy e life of being steadless..am i feeling sad..definitely..cried my eyes out last night after hanging up.couldnt concentrate on my papers today.i realised tt i've given up a lot for u..my studies my friends..even my parents..my freedom and e things i like to do..it's time tt i live for myself n not u..i rather live for my parents now...anyway..hope u'll lead a happier life without me this liar in it and ur so-called flirtatious person in too..all e best

heys..had my math paper 1 n ss paper yesterday..didnt study venice for ss n it came out..all e 5 chpters i studied didnt even come out lohs..lols..nvm..at least i did write smt for e essay on venice..math was easier than normal but to others it may be veh easy..to mi..it's just nice..hahas..went to my ah mah's house on sunday for dinner and asked my cousin gary for help in math..and yes..the trip there was worth it.i was enlightened..muahahas..just came home from compasspoint..went der all alone to buy breadtalk n bengawan solo..my mummy's fav..just reached home n finished cooking porridge for my mummy n i for lunch..it's a success..waiting for it to cool down..it's too hot to be edible.tmr having eng n physics..scareded.physics..so many things to learn.so little time.n my eng isnt veh gd either.hahs.just pray hard tt i will write like a british tmr..today's chem paper was not bad..easier than normal.i knew how to do most of e question except for QA and writing chemical equations..i suck at it.lols.




hope evrything runs smoothly for all my papers..if i dun do well in my Os..even if i passed..mayb i'll consider abt retaking it again for better grades.=))..i'm scared of geog paper..scared of physics..history..eng..EVERYTHING!gotta do my best yeahs..all e best peeps..JAM pls do not stress urself out.i'm worried for u..=)


and yes..my previous entry made him look ugly..but heys..i'm ugly too..
i lied to him b4..many times.even till recently.i had friendster..n i hide it from him..i had gone out secretly with friends..but i just love going out mahs..and i have mood swings..love to give him attitude..but he will in turn give it back to mi..yeahs..we're always squabbling abt every little small things..but at e end of e day..we still love one another.i always break with him..even when i'm in e wrong n when i lied.but i always think tt in a relationship..wat's most important is tt we do not cheat on one another..lying about going out also not as thou i hang out with guys..i'm always with girls..hais..but mayb he just dont see things this way..hais...hope all will go well for now and tt things will change for e better..tatas..gonna have my lunch now and bathe n study..n mayb have a nap..woke up at 5am to study kaes..but it was worth it..Tatas~!

woke up at 12pm today.had lunch and bathed..went downstairs to study my ss.cant study at home..lols..tend to see my lovely bed and start thinking tt i'm tired..lols..hallucinating..=P..going to J8 later..all alone to get pens and my beloved eraser is missing..i need it badly.hais..
watched a korean show last night..LOVERS' CONCERTO.veh complicating story but i suppose it's a sad story.hahas.thank goodness i didn't understand it or i'll be crying my eyes out..bleahs..


yes..for him..on my tag..i was trying to tell him not to tag such private things there.in case ppl who dont know him thinks he's stalking me or something.he's not ok..he's just xpressing his thots in my tag.i really hope he'll carry on with his life n come to realise tt i'm not a beautiful person in heart.not a gd stead.and hopefully.i'll be able to accept him better aft my Os.but i still hope he'll change.
in e past..he wud think of surprises to make mi happy.when we're shopping he'll enter shops with me.pick clothes for mi.when i like somthing n nv buy them.he'll secretly buy it for me..ep-playboy bag.but now.he always leave mi to shop in a shop alone n he stands outside.nv looked as thou he really wanna shop with mi.maybe he's tired of shopping with mi.i feel tt i shud shop alone.it's better..at least i wun fee guilty of torturing him by forcing him to shop with mi.if he wants to make mi happy by doing things i like.he shud do his very best like he totally loves it.or else i just end up feeling guilty n nothing else.no more sweet surprises for a long time.and i mean really long time.u noe when i go out.i'll kip my eyes open n take note of things he like and maybe buy it for him if i have e $.but he.i go into some shops alone n i noe i always seem to like almost everythng.but hey.tt'sto get ur attention..hais.recently i hardly address things tt i like to him anymore.coz he'll ask if i have $ not.i'm not asking him to buy it or anything lo.and althou i noe he was kidding but i feel as if he's implying tt i like to spend his money lo.i dont ok.and he is not flexible lo.if i'm late.he'll complain.if he's late.i dun even ask for a sorry from him lo.and he is always thinking tt i'm such a flirt.u think i'm e founder of playboy is it?i noe i like playboy.but i'm not a flirt.i suck in flirting n besides..i dun qualify to flirt.i dun fall in love easily ok.i'm too fat to flirt anyway.rather use those times to slim down..it hurts to know tt ur bf doesnt understand u n thinks tt u're a flirt or something.
to guys out der..have confidence in ur gf.n u noe.every little things can make we girls upset..we're super sensitive.dun say things n den imply tt u r joking..it doesnt help.we are particular abt how u see us.coz we present our very best to u..unlike u guys.man..i think i shud be a lesbian la.since guys just dun understand how i feel.and after 2 yrs of relationship he still think i'll leave him for other guys.other girls may be flirts but not mi.u shud noe better la.and even if i go with other guys it'll be his fault.pushing mi to my limits..but i'm sure tt tt guy i left u for will be someone who trust me n knows exactly how much i love him tt i wud nv leave him for other guys..and guys..pls..kip to ur promises too.girls hate to be disappointed coz we give our best to u.and of coz hope we'll receive the best from u..
ok..end my speech..going j8 now..tatas

wakakaka..today..went to sch den went bel's house studied a little...A LITTLE only..hais..Os coming lers..scareded~bel..ur mummy's cooking is superb! i love OTAH..lols..went CP after tt and drank a not-so-nice drink.cost me $1.70 okays..so ex..just came home..today's frog show not so exciting..i missed yesterday's exciting part..hais..was on my way home den..hais..broke up with hiim yesterday.was feeling lousy being with him..jus hope things will be better in days to come..Oh yesh..before i forget..THANK YOU JAMIE for ur help in creating this blog..keke..

trying my very best to sound happy..anyway.just hung up with him.i dun feel any happier without him..e only time i felt happy was when him are e times when he treated mi like a treasure.hais.i dono y is he still brooding over it instead of doing something but all he does is to resign to fate..thinking tt he doesnt matter to mi anymore.i'm not so heartless as to forget him completely.he is still a part of me.neither am i a flirt like he always think..thinking i'll find someone new.but he said it last night..i'm free to find new love.find someone better than him.i'm not so free as to do tt lo.i've got so many things to do.find a job and hopefully..go on aa vacation with him..he never fails to be tt special one inside of me.i'm giving it up coz i'm just so tired of staying in a relationship tt i dun feel happy in..i wish him all e best..i myself too look forward to our days together again..