just a random post today

was blog hopping @ home and realise tt so many ppl had their birthdays
and aft reading them.got an idea of how they celebrated theirs'.
it seems tt they've enjoyed themselves so much only by just going for a steamboat!

it sounded boring to mi but tt particular person enjoyed herself to e fullest.dun ask mi who she is..i dono.just some stranger's blog.lols.=pp

have been thinking about my birthday n how i wud want to celebrate it.
but i get so irritated coz i dono wat i want.or maybe i want lots of things so much tt i duno which to get for my birthday!saw ppl putting up their wishing lists b4 thei bday.i've always thot tt letting ppl noe wat u want saves them lots of trouble.but then again.y wud i want someone to buy mi things tt i want.no surprises at all coz since u put it up in ur blog u'd be wishing to get it n when u get it.there isnt much excitement.it wud b better if someone knows wat u want w/o u telling them n still getting them.tt wud be fabulous.i dono.i'm kinda confused by my words now.but.come to think of it.if u dun tell others wat u want how e hell wud they even know???...


anyhow.i noe tt e things i want cant be given to mi by others.neither can it be done.like:


i wanna weigh 43kg on my bday? tt's totally impossible luhs.unless i go for liposuction but who in e world has tt money to let mi go for it?..

so tt's cancalled out.

i want thick n sexy n curled lashes.i want seductive eyes lahs! which is impossible too.lols.

so tt's cancelled out too.

i wanna be so very super pretty n chio.so super impossible too!nobody can give tt to mi.lols.

so tt's cancelled out again!

i wanna have my straight hair back! but cannot coz my mummy forked out money to curl my hair for dono how much n it's not even been half a yr so how can i get it straight when she spent so much on my curls??so waste her money lahs!and i still love my curls anyway.

cancelled out again!

i so wanna be in e course i want.lols.totally impossible! but i'm still fine with my present course~!

i want a nice nose!lols.freaking impossible!

oh. i want wedge shoes but dono which color to get.black is boring i so dun like black now coz my entire wardrobe is black! help mi think lehs.must be able to go with any colour outfits hor!


i wanna wear 3/4 jeans chio-ly.lols.but i have short n fat legs.='((.so farking impossible! maybe wedge shoes may help mi~! lalalas.i hope?..

i wanna have a makeover n have a portfolio of my own.but i'm farking fat.so it's a waste of money to do it now.maybe wait till i'm 43kg den have a makeover~!!! hahahas! so excited.


i wanna move my arse n start exercising n not be so lazy!!!!

i wanna kick e habit of chewing on my fingernails!


i wanna jian fei w/o anybody's objections!BAHS~!!!

i wanna be 43kg n maintain tt weight!


i hope e camp wont be tormenting!lols.


i want money!!!!

i wanna complete my room decoration.half of my room is so out of place lahs!


i want dear to treat mi like princess everyday! lols.=x


i wanna have smooth hair so tt i'll stop plucking out pubic-like hair n go bald.=((
oh no i'm so traumatised by e thot of mi going bald!fark!


i wanna have a good shittey life n constipate no more!

i want to have good skin!=))

and lastly.i want everyone to be happy!lols



so u see.e only thing ppl can gimme is to be happy!e rest depends on myself.lols.



i dont see y ppl want gucci clutch bags..or adidas jacket..or those expensive branded stuff.will they really b happy upon receiving them as their bday gift??..i dono lahs.hais..but i'll feel bad coz all those are so bloody expensive.i dun want my friends to be eating bread everyday just to buy mi some branded stuff i want.lols


somehow i'm not at all excited abt my bday.just gonna treat it like an ordinary day..=))dun wish to expect much excitement or activities or surprises for myself coz if i might just end up feeling disappointed on my bday if i anticipate too much happiness on my bday.lols.so.i just wanna have a normal day on my bday!just out for a meal is fine.go shop shop.no nid for parties or cakes or gifts.all are a waste of money n energy.


i'll have to get wat i want by myself.nobody can help mi..!
i guess tt person's blog i read had many friends to celebrate with her n her friends are all crazy.smashing cake into her face and all tt.i dun think i have tt many friends neither do i wish to have a cake smashed onto my face!i think e one thing tt truly makes mi smile each bday is when i receive smses frm ppl i noe wishing mi happy birthday.ppl who are close to mi and best frm ppl whom i dun really noe or not close to..tt's just so enuff already.remembering my bday is gd enuff.=))

but if anyone insists on gifts.just gimme ang pows! =))...lols.i'll be happy to receive ang pows.but sorry.must contain a minimum amount of $50 den can hor.if not save it ahhs.=PP *thick skinned*


actually i've gotten my best gifts alrdy.i've found my 2 close n long lost friends this yr.chanel n ariana.=))

*cough cough*
lols.lots of dust.so long nv blog le..=pp

i veh busy de hors~!

anyway..here's a short recount on wat i've been doing lately..

didnt go anywhere on saturday 25thmarch2006
went to my nai nai hse! my cousin came back frm shanghai to continue his studies in singapore.he so love studying lahs.said shanghai's education not challenging.lols.his brothers were like so happy slacking in shanghai yet he chose to come back to e stressful education here.but..he's damn smart luhs.but he'll be staying in e hostel coz he dun wanna bother anyone of us.he's shy.his mum n youngest bro left him on sunday, flew back to shanghai.lols.hmm..hope he's coping well!


26th
met him in e morning ard 11+ am
went to bugis.had sandwich @ bugisCAFE for lunch.walked ard.bought a shirt.went his hse slp..den went out to orchard @ night to get e jeans i've saved up for!kekes.happy happy!
he has nv accompany mi to 2 places in a day b4!supa happy!!!

27th
wanted to go meet jam de but was cancelled.stayed home felt so lonely lahs.had a bad day.didnt talk to him coz i not in gd mood.mood swing i guess

28th
went out with jam to suntec to sing song.sam nv go..sadness.hope she's fine

sam:actually.dun say i bad huh.i noe u're sad but deep in my heart i've always thought tt u deserved better and tt he wasn't good enuff for u.thou is bad to say tt..but it's true.he didnt even cared or show any interest in ur relationship at all.you'll find e right one for sure!dun sad coz u're giving up smt bad to welcome e arrival of a new start and of coz to open ur eyes n see better ppl out der who deserves you better!muacks.just remember tt amelia loves you!i so respect ur decision!i noe i'm evil but who cares?sam's happiness matters to me more!BAHS
you see i got lots to say but u neh call mi de.so i buey ta han say it out here.hope u dun mind k?just wanna give u my blessings.may god bless you n may u pull thru this period of time with little sorrow!



29th
went to SP for camp briefing.was quite fun actually!made mi feel better abt e camp!went to bugis with jam aft tt.oh yahs.i was farking late.suppose to mit jam @ 9am but i was slping till 8.45am.i such a pig luhs.luckily i got there ard 10.30am.not veh late only late for 30mins.lols.jam went in first.was so scared luhs!
i;m so jealous n hate myself for chewing on my nails when i saw jam's well done manicure yet cheap yet so chio.hais.i think i'll have to wait a long time for tt to happen to mi coz i cant kick e habit! so hate myself!

lately my blog so boring right?coz no pics.u noe why?coz i lazy to connect my hp synchroniser.BAHS.but one day i'll upload pics again n bug u ppl with stupid pics..laalalalas! BLEAHS~! =P

met jamie on monday..wanted to go bedok for my cheack up..guess wat.they were closed for registration for tt day! fark~!
was kinda depressed tt day coz found out abt some ugly lies hidden frm mi by him n my close friends!
went to bugis to meet up with jam's cousin and went for an interview.jam had some problems with her shoes so went to far east..and went home coz i moodless.
confronted him at night.actually thou it doesnt seem as serious as i thot...you still freaking lied to mi! and kept it frm mi for so long lahs!!!

anyhow.i patched with him in the early morning of 21st march2006..our 30th month-sary.
wanted to give him hell but didnt succeed lehs.damn!how can i let him off so easily.
only managed to sia lan him.lols.we met for breakfast..at hougang green's mac.
fark! i almost fainted.lols.he scared the ass out of me while we were in the lift going up to my hse!but made mi shy too...lalalas.decided to sit at void deck den buy lunch for mama den go orchard gai gai..
bought clothes.lols.e salesgirl helped mi dress up.i so need to be fashionable lahs.lols.coz i was wearing shorts in orchard..cant b bothered le lahs.orchard machiam my hse de town centre.lols.go there so often...=pp
anyhow.dear said i look so chio.lols.but i noe he's lying lahs.k-siao make mi happy only.lols.so wat he mean?i was looking horrible in shorts lahs?coz fat right???!!!
hais..nvm.at least he doesnt call me fatty now still say i chio..enuff le lahs.=pp
oh yay! i'm weighing 5 kg lesser! muahahah..i think.hope tt the weighing machine was accurate else i'll kill myself for being happy over nth!!

dear n i went to NUH for his arm checkup.went his hse den went home.

met jamie on wednesday..went SP for enrolment thingy.wtf! we had to go thru so many pests! asking us to join their camp when all camps suck lahs.i'm only going for one.the whole sch camp.dear bloody upset abt e camp tt we had a tiny arguement in e night.but we're fine n happy now!

jam n i went jurong east for my check up.it was bloody long lahs.waste my time energy and money lohs.

stayed home on thursday..only went out aft dinner..to ariana's hse to post her e bday card i made for her...so sincere rights?dear fetched mi der de..lols.=pp
went j8 aft tt den went home.

dear came my hse tis morning..he reached at 7.30am when he's suppose to reach at 7.15am.i tot he wasnt coming.was so excited last night tt i cudnt slp!!i woke up at 6.30 to wait for him lahs.he came finally and for e first time..we cuddled up in MY bed!hehes.the last time he came was like..in 2004's CNY?..lols.so freaking long lahs.shall post pics in future..lazy..bleahs!=P


really hope dad let mi ton happily and willingly!

stayed home all day..doin what? slping lohs
i think i'm feeling better now.less stressed less frustrated.
and maybe also coz i met my long lost friend today-CHANEL
met her in PS at around 8.30pm.she was with another friend called Amanda.
was kinda nervous at first coz i super dupa long nv see her lerx!
but all went well.we chatted like nobody's business and Amanda was very friendly too
actually i was supposed to go to ESCAPE today with KiKi and company but i didnt.scared feel left out and last night felt so moodless.only decided to go out coz it's CHANEL.so long nv see her and she jio-ed me out.didnt feel like going at first coz moodless.den again why not?i so long nv go out.since friday till today lahs.plus go out also go for a while nia.so it's ok mahs


made him angry today coz i veh pek chek.shouted at him on the phone and kup his call.=PP
think i too frustrated le and i didnt have enuff sleep.very mang zhang.
called him back to apologise.hope he's fine now



the next thing tt made me feel better was...my mama bought me a new ipod shuffle coz my brother's been hogging it ever since i got it repaired.so sweet right?

anyway.i reached home only at around 11.30pm.so late??but actually not really.i went out at 8pm and reached home at 11.30pm so it's not as thou i've been out for too long.but i felt scared.not use to going home this late..the last time was when i went for BSB concert and the HILLSONG concert.

chanel mi n amanda sat at starbucks to chat lahs.she seem so happy and blessed and i am so happy for her.after tt, her husband came to fetch her home while i made my way home.=)

came home bathed and did my ipod thingy.wasted so much of my time coz i'm not a very IT person.i noe it's easy but...i'm stupid ok?..

the last thing tt made me felt better was.he deleted tt thing i hate most le!but i still cant forget the matter!

went out on thursday..planned for WWW but jam got itand i wasnt allowed to be there so we den decided on ESCAPE but the bloody weather was a killer and the queue too!so many rides were under maintenance so we ended up watching V for VENDETTA.

great show.for mi jam and bel.for those who cannot ta han long movies wont like it bahs.but i like it.kinda touching actually.quite a sad story.and it was freaking cold in the threatres.bel n i were worried that the drink we bought wasnt enuff.but with jam's persuasion.we didnt buy another drink and we made it thru the show!

walked ard Tampines Mall and took a bus to CP.went to the library.i had a hard time signing up for a library card and in the end i didnt succeed!i borrowed one book using bel's card.thnx lehs.saw gladys and wai yee there.

destiny had a gathering at sentosa.didnt go coz moodless.=(


the other thing tt made mi feel better is tt.he has stopped bombarding me with questions!

will be going for a medical checkup tmr.jamie's accompanying mi.thnx girl

1/2 of me want you back
1/2 of me is stopping me
i don't know what's holding me back
maybe god is telling me to forget you
even though i don't wish to


if i could
i hope i didn't see your friendster
maybe it's the friendster affair that's stopping me
stopping me from trusting you again


maybe you were telling the truth
but why can't i believe you


maybe my heart has been lied to too many times

i know i lied too but
2 and a 1/2 yrs together
why must you lie for your friend


of all things
of all time
you chose to lie to me now
when our relationship is at stake
after being together for so long

i've stopped lying
and you're starting to lie


i'm so used to have you controlling me
so used to not being with other guys
used to rejecting guys for your sake
used to neglecting my parents for you


used to your funny jokes
used to wake you up by hugging you in your sleep
used to eat lu mian with you
used to meeting you on sundays


i can't deny the fact that i did try to forgive you
and yearn to be with you again


but why
why must you lie to me for your friend
something you would never do to me



now i'm left here alone to spent sundays w/o you
the first sunday and i'm already feeling lonely

thou i seem ok
i don't feel ok inside
don't wish to appear weak

dearest jamie
thanks for being there all these while
it must have been hard on you
and i will be strong and you sure on buying me vitamin C?
i'll get well soon.don't worry
one fine day..i'll be a happy girl again ='( (really looking forward to being happy again)
back to irritate you with my stupid and cold jokes
meanwhile just spare me for my spastic smiles
and
I LOVE YOU
after all that has happened
you've been trying to be there whenever i needed someone ='))
too bad you shoulder too boney for me to cry on =x

sometimes its hard to live just to
see a smile on someone's face,
especially when you don't get anything back in return.
but somehow it's worthwhile
when you see that smile
on that someone's face



nothing is worthwhile to me
for i want nothing now
just wanna be left alone


no matter how much fun is around me
i just cant seem to smile wholeheartedly
not because i miss you
it's because i feel so hurt



only my friends and sad songs can put a small smile on my face
for they showed that they care
they showed their understanding



don't say you love me
don't say it only after everything has happened
don't say you can't go on
don't say you'll change
don't tell me that you're really determined this time



for my trust was once taken for granted

nv knew today would be the day.
didnt expect it to happen today.
after today
i guess i'll miss the times we spent together
bitter or sweet


knew each other thru technology
an unexpected friendship became love
sweet and innocent
felt protected and safe



went thru obstacles together
overcame difficulties together
nv fail to hold on to me
nv fail to comfort me




but nobody stays the same forever
i was 14.he was 16.then
i grew up unexpectedly
became more independent
stronger
had a mind of my own
found my own meaning of love
the true meaning of happiness




no longer tt girl who was never mad at you
stood up for myself but nothing was solved
led to endless wars instead
gave in to one another
had our moment of happiness



but happiness was never to stay
i had expectations
get upset when i don't get wat i expected
was never satisfied with you



you promised me
but nothing was ever done the way i wanted
for i was never satisfied
most of the time
ur promises dont last



dont change for the moment
for i had always wanted us
to be forever and not for the moment



things changed
you were never there
loneliness was wat i had for company




my existence seem to fade from ur world
didnt bothered even when i'm unhappy
when i'm mad




left me alone to cry to slp each night
just when i tot things were getting better
it happened all over again



maybe to you
my tears are invisible
for the next day
u act as thou nth happened between us




maybe u're just tired
tired of my endless whinings
tired of trying to make me happy





that's why you chose to leave me
today...





may have gotten use to loneliness
but i feel even more lonely now
i'll just have to get use to it.




for i guess this is really the
end of us



just hope that you'll lead a better life
hope that you'll feel more carefree now
w/o living up to my expectations
just live the life you want
be the guy you have always wanted to be
be the guy you have always been




i'll never trust again
how can i be sure that it's not another round of endless unhappiness?
was naive to think tt prince charming would come for me
wanted a near perfection guy
but it'll never happen for
i was never near perfection either.



no longer find comfort in ur arms
u didnt bother to understand me then
now
only sad songs relate to me
and that's where i find comfort




have given you endless chances
but you gave up on yourself
you decided to let me go
when i was still willing
to give you more chances



perhaps we were never meant to be
have tried my best lately
but it was of no help
you ended it in the end




love is to be able to be with the one u truly love..
i was alone all these while

11th march2006
stayed home all day.went to nearby supermarket with daddy to shop for some last minute groceries for that night's family gathering in my house.daddy n i helped mummy out in her housework while she did all the cooking..she cooked ' lontong '-the malay food rice with vegetable curry.daddy ordered pizzas too.by 6.30pm, my maternal relatives started pouring in.filled my house up.wat can i say?mummy's cooking skills were superb! lontong was wiped out and a few pieces of pizzas were left behind only.had a great night chatting away with all my relatives coz i havent been seeing them often coz i dun go to my ah mah's hse lately.feel so blissful to have a nice family and great relatives..be it paternal or maternal..they're all great!!
12th march2006
went to mit dear in the late morning.he was ill.he woke up and we shared lunch bought by his mama.then i watched FULL HOUSE again.=PP.he then fell asleep shortly.then jam called saying tt the last day for the online pre-enrolment thingy was today.i panicked.rushed home to check out but end up it was on the 13th lahs.scareded..lols.dear went to his dad's place while i rushed home.didnt want to meet him coz he kip saying wanna go out yet didnt know where to go n kip asking mi.i noe he wanna go out coz he knows i like to go out gai gai but just hate it coz i already noe he's lying just to make mi happy.like i'll still go out when i already noe the truth.decided not to mit and asked him to go home.was hoping he wud come to fetch me though but gave up tt tot coz i knew he wudnt be so sweet.guess wat.half an hr later.he called saying tt he's at my hse downstairs...=))
was super dupa happy.so unexpectable!
so happy whenever he does something unexpectable to surprise mi!!! <33s
dear wanted to go J8 but it's so freaking boring der coz we just went there on friday.dear suggested orchard but went the wrong way coz dear still not familiar with the way.ended up in bugis in e end.i was wanting to go bugis but didnt wanna say out.dear say orchard den orchard mahs.so happy we ended up in bugis.lols.had our dinner and walked ard.didnt buy anything but saw many nice clothes!!!!dont wanna buy coz i noe dear wud pay for mi.so gave up on tt idea.went home after tt
13th march2006
rotted at home and did my online pre-enrolment thingy.dear supposed to go for a course today but he cudnt find his way and his bike broke down for like the dono how many time!he rotted at home too and went out in to evening to collect his bike and met his friends w/o telling mi in advanced.was pissed.his bike broke down again!!! wth lahs.less than 24hrs jiu break down again.it made dear veh unhappy.
14th march2006
woke up and kept thinking of the clothes i saw in bugis on sunday with dear.was bent on buying it.called jam and we headed to bugis.bought a skirt too and the top i was in love with!dear forbid mi to go WILD WILD WET..hais.sadness.had a gd day today thou but poor jam didnt enjoy herself coz the thing she wanted to buy was already sold out.dun sad jam.there's many of tt thing in singapore de lahhs.went to J8 for jam's ccrave for ' ou loouaa ' oyster omelette.had carrot cake in e end.we shared and we headed home.reached home was pissed coz dear didnt sms mi when he went back to collect his bike.he got fed up with mi and went to bed when i was bathing.hais


i noe i'm so irritating lahs.sorry even thou i noe u hardly read my blog coz u dun bother.thinking i'll tell u everything.but the things i say in my blog are all straight from my heart.just hope u take an effort to understand mi better thru my blog.i dono y.i can think better while blogging but just lose it when i speak to u.mayb coz the blog doesnt object anything.the blog doesnt get angry with mi and the blog contains all my thoughts and feelings.


my weakness is that i'm too dependent on you
and
yearn too much for your tender loving care...

9th march06
went out with jamie + samantha to cineleisure.went to shilin for lunch.havent had appetite lately.i didnt eat.chat over lunch and went to walk ard b4 going to KBOX!
crap lahhs.only 3 hrs to slp.last time mi n jam can sing for 5 hrs lo.yet for the same price..neh neh!
we were high lahs.sang sad songs..jamie went on solo with her rainie songs and my horrible singing with sam trying to sing really low songs.lols.we went on to sing oldies STAYING ALIVE by beegees.to SHE BANGS with some funny dance moves.we did it forgetting ppl could see us frm opposite.lols.actually.i think we all sounded great together.lols.felt to power.lols.well.we were like on a marathon lahs.sang only half of each song coz we only had 3 hrs yet so many songs we wanna sing.lols.so rush lahhs.and jam + mi frightened ourselves in the toilet.i almost pulled jam's finger out.lols.i was the cause.i think too much le.tot got ghost or smt.lols.=PP
left KBOX at 5.30pm and went to take neoprints!we were so ghostly.we were all white.lols.but it was still ok lahhs.=))took a cab to dear's place after tt.waited outside for some time coz i didnt bring his keys and no one answered when i knocked on his door.den his mum open the door to put her slippers out and saw mi.lols.went in and waited for dear for so long lahs.was kinda angry but it's coz he was waiting for the porridge he bought for mi tt's y late.even thou i said i didnt want dinner.dear still bought it for mi.felt very happy.i just love it when he takes the initiative to do something for mi and not do things coz i ask him to.tt way..he's just pleasing mi.but with his own initiative,it shows it's really frm his <3..shows his care and love.but i guess..such things only happen once in a very blue moon.he went to JB yesterdAY and bought mi a shirt.was happy again for his initiative.shows tt he thought of mi even when he's with his friends in JB..




his initiative=his love care and concern for mi from the bottom of his <3

if only he is always like tt..
now tt he has a bike..he doesnt noe his way around..why??i may not know my way..but i sure noe the way to his hse.but he doesnt know his way to my house.hais.guess it's coz i go to him more often than he comes to mi..each time he asks mi how to go come my hse..i feel very disappointed..if i say him..he'll pek chek.just hate the feeling of quarreling.
he seem so careless since we came back frm genting.hais..and now tt he's got a bike.i'm even more worried for him..maybe i'm paranoid.but i just wish he'd take care of his own things more and drive safely.i feel so insecure these days..first..due to lack of his care n concern..now tt's already over..i'm insecure again coz of his attitude towards his own things..so careless and i really hope he'll just drive safely lahhs.


I HATE TO WORRY FOR HIM..!HATE TO FEEL SO INSECURED...!

well..i guess i'm depressed again!

why does my happiness only last for a few days?..haix

went to J8 for a movie'DATE MOVIE' was funny and dear seemed so tired.each time i see him so tired i feel damn bad.felt as thou i tortured him..hais.but why???why is he always tired whenever he's with mi?why is he tired lately?hais..why???!!!!
i hate it when he's feeling tired.coz even when i'm by his side..he doesnt seem to be near and i feel lonely most of the time.
i want his company so badly these days but he is always tired.hais.
went home straight after the movie.see him so tired i dun even want to walk ard le.will only make mi feel worst..like torturing him even thou i know he wud walk ard with mi even if he's tired.hais..i saw INDRA..my pri sch friend who hates mi..why?i dono.she seems happy and she didnt recognise mi.well.guess she's forgotten all abt mi..hais.

maybe i'm not likeable.majority of my sch classes dun like mi.why??..
but i'm still glad tt i have jam by mi.
somehow i have this feeling tt dear will grow to dislike mi one day.coz i'm so bloody irritating.

lately..i just feel like a baby..crying out for someone to give mi their attention!especially dear's..but everyone cant seem to hear mi.i'm screaming in my heart..

I WANT DEAR'S COMPANY.I DUN WANT HIM TO BE ALWAYS TIRED WHEN HE'S WITH MI..!

why is he tired whenever he's with mi???why??


is it because i give him too much pressure....? hais

i feel so empty inside

wanna know abt a crapshit matter or smt happy?..or maybe...ahhh..i dono lahhs



ok lahs.the dono-happy-or-sad matter.
my dear passed his test and he bought his bike on tt day itself..6march06
worried yet happy coz it's like his dream come true?wat can i say..he is so smart lahhs.ppl retake many times he only 2nd try den pass ler.keke.
worried for his safety and scared he chee hong.lols.ppl say guys got bike den veh xiao zhang..den start to flirt!!!how???..hais.watever..put my name all over his bike lo.den he cant fetch any charrborr!!!! *evil smile* muahhahahahas
on 6th march06 dear came at night to bring mi to jalan kayu eat prata.well i nv eat lahhs.drink teh peng!!damn scared lehhs.first time sit bike.lols.suah ku lehs.=PPi skip my lesson lahhs.bad mood.felt being let down.always kana scolded de.and.always being disappointed by dear.we didnt go gai gai tt day.no hi-tea either.hais.worse.went home n kana scolded by mummy for going out.well if it was a good day out.worth being scolded but hell no.so i damn angry lahhs..hais

ok so frm tt last sentence..u can really tell tt i'm really fine now.lols.no more depression.and who's the cure for it????..not sure..think many ppl helped mi bahhs

ok..now the all so crappy stuff
went to SP yesterday..jamie..it's ok lahhs.i alone better..else u'll suffer lols.almost cried while speaking to the lecturer there.hais.first..wat's the point of having an appeal system when there isnt anyone there to entertain any questions??and appeal is only for those who appeal for courses with the same points as they have or appeal to courses tt have a higher point than wat they have.so.ahhs.watever lahhs.feel so bloody cheated.lols.ok.u can tell i'm happy now.lols.why?coz i went ard telling ppl of the stupidity of having an appeal system when all goes tt way.no point for those who even want to appeal to a course tt requires one point off their own.wat's all these shit all abt lahhs??hais.watever.i'm sticking to my given course.thou not with jam nvm lahhs.wat to do.i did my best to be with her lers.lols.=x.i not les hor!

went to meet dear at his hse.waited for him at his hse downstairs coz he went back to the bike store there.went to orchard..lols.dear reach orchard fast but cudnt find parking.end up turn all the way back near his hse and went to orchard again and luckily we found parking.lalalas.went to mariott hotel for hi-tes!yummy..but didnt eat much.lately no appetite nehs.shit yet good! can lose weight.kekes.=)))))
went shopping aft tt.dear bought a shirt n jacket.i like so many clothes nehs but must plan wat to wear with lehs.so didnt buy.lols.quickly went back to dear's hse coz gonna rain ler.we reached home just in time to welcome the rain.lols.=))
ok.so why am i fine now?coZ dear pei mi go shopping and coz i complain to many ppl abt the crapshit matter till i happy.lols.also dono y i will be happy lehhs.complained to daddy..jamie..dear..lols.mayb it was the lecturer who allowed mi to be happy.lols.she made mi realised tt tourism isnt everything.my course helps mi too.=)))i'm so pumped up now to start my new life!


oh yes..dear going army on 21st april lohs.my sch starts on the 10th of april..cant even spend the last few days with my beloved dear.hais..how?think i'll find a way to plan my time so tt i can spend time with him lo.since mt poly so damn super near his hse.=))

hmm.feeling better today.didnt go out on saturday.only went for a short walk with my darling daddy!felt so much better after tt even thou we didnt like talk a lot.well.i talk a lot.so if it isnt a lot..it's lots..=PP
finished watching the SECRET LOVERS VCD lers.hmmm.the show not bad lahhs.but no impact on mi.lols.ok.maybe a bit.
finich watching FULL HOUSE on saturday night.WOOooo! i so love tt show can!Rain is cute lahs.the girl is so pretty also.sad tt i've watched finish.now got another show to watch but i think no show can beat FULL HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!
feel my love and excitement over FULL HOUSE?..lalalas.=))
met dear on sunday.he went for his bike practice and we went to bugis.had dinner.did my pedicure and went home.how exciting??.well..dear tired mahs.hais.as usual.but at least he still went to bugis with mi..
woke up at 7.30am to wish dear good luck for his bike exam today!if he passes..u ppl will hardly see mi taking public transport le.save ez link card money.lalalas.
really hope he passes.think we'll be having hi-tea after tt at dono where lehhs.lols.not sure.=PP
but i have to go home early today..got lessons at night.kekes.
thou i'm feeling better but yet i still feel veh empty.why?i've got my parents..my family and my dear by my side yet i still feel lonely and empty.especially when i'm with him.
i somehow prefer to miss him and think of him than to meet him.dear always seem so perfect in my thoughts...why cant he be as perfect as he is in my thoughts...?
but i have to understand tt no one is perfect..but near perfection is still possible..hais.
had a tiff with him yesterday.over smt which i think was kinda small.but it was my fault lahhs.just hate myself for destroying such a happy day with my bare hands and...i really regretted speaking.why cant i speak freely?hais.every small thing tt i say can cause an explosion in u..i shud just be mute lahhs.hais.
having all the sad songs to accompany mi.guess i'm lost in sad songs and VCDs bahs.think those are the only things tt can relate to mi.everything else just seem to be invisible to me.why am i feeling this way?..too upset over the postings?not really.than wat's the other thing???..

sometimes..i think it's useless working so hard in life.pia for O level cert..A level cert..only to end up with the same cert as everyone else..the death cert..so so pia mia for wat?..hais.just feel so moodless whenever i think of this.how i wish everyone can live forever.but i noe nth lasts forever.i cant imagine my life w/o my loved ones.i'll be even more lost than i am now.mayb i'll even go crazy or suffer depression.y am i brought into this world only to see sadness??..
tot abt lots of things in the bus while going to meet dear..tot abt jamie's helpful mother..she allowed mi to feel so contented only by just thinking abt her kind <3 really seem to brighten up my heart somehow.if only everyone was like her.she reminded mi of kind hearted ppl being rewarded..she was rewarded with a happy and loving family.i guess tt's all we ppl really need in life.other than $$$ that's enuff to make ends meet.so envious of her...
tot of the death cert issue too.if everyone were to think like mi.i guess everyone wud be just sitting ard for maybe 70yrs doing nth coz they already noe no matter wat they'll die.nahhs.this cannot happen.daddy said tt since all of us already noe wat's ahead of us..the more shud we strive in life in order to experience the beauty of it.this way..we'll die with happy memories frm our lives.if we die without even trying to live life to the fullest.we'll die with an empty heart.so..just live life to the fullest!




our life is gift frm god..wat we do with tt life is our gift to him.
and my parents did something amazing to change my life.=))

have been busy this whole week going out with my dearest jamie..lols.we went to sing K till so high lahs.lols.also went for roti prata session with bel n her too.yummms!!went to her hse too last saturday i think.play pool and play.gambled..=X.gambling is like so over right since it's not CNY.but who cares.bleahhs=PP
met jamie on thursday. went to bugis.i bought clothes frm e-base.nv knew i could wear ebase clothes lols.guess this edition of clothes more simple.not so streetstyle.=))
finally! dear said tt the blouse i bought was nice.so long since he last said tt the things i buy is nice.lols.wat can i say.now got taste le mahs.lols.=x
didnt walk finish ICON coz dear fang gong le so i quickly took cab to his hse.he was upset.felt least important.he's jealous of jamie lahs.lols.coz i've spent more time with her than i'm with him.hahas.crazy boy.
stayed home the whole day yesterday.so guai??nope.i was just too disappointed to go out.woke up at 8.15am.deciding whether to go online to check my postings not.to mi tt was like sending myself to death sentence coz i dun even know where i'm going.but i went to check in the end coz sam sms-ed mi.lols.yeahs.disapointment.didnt get into my first choice.went into my 6th choice.was damn upset lahhs.but by late evening,come to think abt the course i got.it was not bad lahs.maybe i'm fated to study courses tt my dad n uncle is in.lols.it runs in the family??..well.anyhow.i'm in the same poly as dearest jamie!i would like to appeal.but i need to find out if i'm even eligible for certain courses not.we'll just take each step at a time.felt veh steadless ytd.no one there for mi when i'm feeling so down.but at least my dad n jamie comforted mi and even help mi sort my thoughts out on wat to do next.i wish to be in the same course as jamie but i wudnt just go to a course just to be with jamie.my future lehhs.but it seems both of us have similiar interest in courses! =))

in the past..example pri sch.when all of us took our PSLE results.they somehow promised to keep in touch..to be friends always.but i don't really seee it happening.only some.whom i can say cant be best friends le.i dono anything in their life neither do they.there is somehow a barrier btw us le.only way to stay friends always i guess is to be always be with one another.even if we went to a same sch but not same class.the bond wont be strong either.dun blame them for anything.shud ust take it lightly.ppl have to move on.so y dun i?
but somehow.i miss them.miss our silly jokes and cute nicknames.they'll always be gd friends in my memories.and of coz i seem to worlds apart frm them.they're all smart.all heading for JCs.i even harbour thoughts of possibilities tt we may be in the same schools again aft our separation frm secondary schs.but nahhs.i guess no good friend of mine frm my pri sch went to poly.anyhow.i'm still happy.happy for them.i'm unlike them.nv so strong nv tt determine.mayb the lost of friendship is the price tt i pay for not being serious and determined.

history repeated itself in my secondary sch.even thou we have not graduated.the separation was man-made.not a separation caused by nature-going into diff schs.
it was one big thing tt i've regretted.but i thought to myself again.she was nv mine.nv my best friend.all along it was someone else who was her best friend.we were close but not coz we're best friends.it's coz we went to the same class aft sec2.but i dun blame her.her best friend was a much better girl than i am.in fact i blame myself for not opening up to her.but come to think of it.mayb i wasnt in the wrong for i wasnt even her best friend.but i nv told her b4.she had always been my bst friend since the day i entered nan chiau.she was frank.cranky and funny.the best friend i would keep in my memories for life.hardly went out with her but the time spent with her carried the best memories. =)).i really do miss her.even thou i know she wudnt miss mi.she has so many great ppl ard her.happy for her yet sad for myself for not being able to be the ones by her side now.wat can i say? ppl do move on.so must i.even thou i lost her.at least she has good friends by her side now.making it so much easier to let go of the friendship i had with her.
someone else came by.she too lost a friend.mayb it was my fault coz i was kinda harsh on her best friend.tt i think made her keep her distance away frm us.but i'm glad tt my new found friend stayed by my side always.i guess it's really sad to lose someone.be it thru death or separation.but somehow.i believe i'll find some one true as my best friend.i have few friends but i have gd friends.

that new found friend.you know who euu are.after what happened aft all graduation..i'm really afraid to lose a friend like you like how i lost my other friends.tt's one reason y i really wish to be in the same course as you.i do not trust distance to create a stronger bond.maybe i'm paranoid but.tt's one thing i fear of.if we have to separate.become a hi bye friend.i only wish for one thing.you to find a better friend by ur side and sometimes...miss mi..=))

aft so much talking.to round it up.life's like that.no one can escape this horrible truth tt friendship will be lost thru distance.only fortunate ones don;t experience such stuff.and i believe in wat my dearest friend said-friendship remains strong only when both parties make an effort.it's just like love.it has to be two-way.not only one person making an effort coz tt's totally useless.your heart might be opening up to another.but tt other heart refuses to open up.so what's the use?tt other heart will nv receive ur msg or ur love.so it's pointless to be the only one putting effort into any relationship or friendship.

dun say i'm bad or sadistic...ppl who are so glad to enter their chosen polys or JCs.be ready to lose friends who did not enter the same sch u're in..BAHHHS!


machiam having speech liddat.lols..=PP