went to chiong at joo chiat with hiim on x'mas eve..was kinda drunk..but he thinks tt i was acting..why wud anyone try to act drunk??..am i such a fake-ie to hiim?..hais

went home he next day around evening..bathed n went to cousin gary's hse for x'mas dinner..it was fabulous~!superb!

reached home n jamie called..asking mi to go her hse the next day for dinner..didnt go in e end coz i had another dinner invitation..sorry girl..
i met her to give her and her sis their x'mas pressie and left..

met jam the next day for shopping..she was sick..poor thing.i bought two tops and we didnt take foto.no money..lols.
wanted to go meet hiim after tt but it was pouring heavily..he got angry with mi..thinking i didnt wanna meet him..thinking tt jamie was more important than him..i guess he was just being sensitive..went home then..coz he was ignoring mi..waited for him to cool down n finally..went to bed at 4am..

was sick..woken up by his call and the noise by the renovation in e house..my wardrobe is now gone..my room feels big n spacious..
ddaddy came back frm work and showed mi my phone bill..300+..nearing 400..i felt so bad..it was due to my overseas call frm shanghai..i myself was shocked too..daddy didnt scold mi n wanted to hide it frm mummy initially but mummy found out n scolded mi..my boii n i almost broke up too..hais..so much unhappiness..now i feel guiilty if i were to ask daddy to pay for e BSB concert tix..but liddat means i no need to watch le..i'm so totally broke now..hais.well..went out for dinner.had a cold war with mummy but all was well aft dinner with my nai nai and uncles..the food was delicious lohs.. slurp~!

back home..not talking to him tonight coz mummy wud go crazy if she sees mi on the phone even aft spending 400 on the bills..btw..my dad's the one paying..and i feel so so so vey bad abt it..hais..i'm sorry daddy..


but i still wish to go to BSB concert~! how..can anyone help mi think of an idea?..i'm so vexed..i will cutting down on my phonecalls n sms le..must..I MUST~!

my blog is mouldy..well..was waiting for jam to come back frm taiwan! today's the day~!


girl..i'm back with him..on the lonely saturday night..he called and talked things out..things are fine btw us now..mayb god sent u away frm mi and got him back to accompany mi..but of coz u're not forgotten..anabel! u scared the shit outta mi..lols..and it was actually nth lohs..went shopping on sunday with him for a while n watched king kong after tt..was a sad show..cried my eyes out..so sad..king kong died.. ='((


then i was home all monday and went out to gai gai with mummy on tuesday..bought cosmetic only..lols..too fat..no clothe can fit mi.. =((
went interviews and interviews the past few days.. hais..

i have no money now..i declare bankrupt k..think i can forget abt seeing BSB...anyone wanna buy the tix for mi to see BSB???...pls??? i have waited for them to come fo 10 yrs le lehhs..i think if i dont go for their concert..i can forget abt sseeeing them for the rest of my life..


I WANNA GO FOR BACKSTREET BOYS CONCERT ON THE 24 JAN 2006 ..but i have no money...I WANT THE $160 SEAT..IF NOT GO ALSO NO USE!

today's x'mas eve..merry christmas to all ~! jam..no more ebase pants..think sold out le bahs..sorry..but i got another thing..and ur sis will totally love her pressie..lols..ok..maybe not.. =P

haiis..didnt go for training today..was a real goodie girl today..stayed home all day..jam sent mi a message this morning..so touched..i miss her so..i felt so lonely without her n hiim by my side..hope she's enjoying her holiday now..went o bugis for shopping with mummy..i tried on many skirts n i look like a ba zhang..lols..fatness.actually..i'm vehh sad..hais..end up buying only one skirt..mickey skirt!so cute!it fit mi nicely..hehes..mummy bought a skirt too..actually..we like so guai..save money only bought one item each right?wahahha..we were actually planning of more shopping next week lahx..not as guai as u think..=P


went my nai nai hse for dinner n did cross stitch..went home..kiki jio mi out..till now havent call to confirm..anyway..mummy sure dont allow de..i feeling so sad right now..only the blog is willing to peii wo..haiis..where is he?he havent contact for about 24hrs lers..why?is he ok?haiis..mayb he's just enjoying himself..chionging or smt while i cant escape the reality..staying home n facing the music..i feel so lost n down..wanted to go out to release myself but i cant..i feel so lonely..now tt jam's gone..no one is there to hear mi talk..but what can i do?i chose this route de mahs..haiis..i'm crying now..i dono why..i just feel stupid n lonely..need a hug but there's no one i can turn to..think i'll just cry myself to slp tonight bahs..




maybe...i just have to believe that i can't live without him in my life..haiis..

went for training today..oh no..came to realise tt my job is like selling insurance..bugging ppl..lols and the products i'm selling costs thousands and hundreds..i doubt i can sell even half of the product..hais..had second thots about it..suppose to work for 2 hrs with jam after training in taka..giving out post cards but didnt coz she was down with fever..poor girl..she's going taiwan tml and she's sick..hope she'll get well by tmr..
had BK all alone for lunch..no friends mahs..my only friend there left early coz she realised she not interested..went to orchard aft tt..go ICE LEMON TEE far east for interview..they said they'll call mi back in 3 days time..i hope they'll employ mi..kekes..
dono why..today i kept feeling dizzy ..must be the stupid sun..and weather..so hot..and i was still wearing a jacket..think tmr not going for training le bahs..just sms them say i sick..kekes.. bleahs..like so mean..but i also dun wish to suck my own ppl's blood into getting them to buy such expensive stuff..hais..mao dunz..
nth much to say..just tt i miss him

came home..look thru the papers n saw a x'mas job..$60/day..and only need to do 2 days..jam say wanna do..so think i'll do too bahs..wakakaka..good money..and it's a easy job..=P..but i still hope ILT will hire mi wors..

suppose to go shopping yesterday..with my mummy but decided not coz of some misunderstanding which is already solved now..kekes..went to jam's house instead to try her cooking..the girl can cook man! watched tv n left for j8 with jam and julia..took fotos and julia cut her hair..so pretty...so gay~~~... =P
went back to her house then and played "stress" using uno cards..i went all kuku..so thrilling~! lols..we all went crazy..jam had a fashion show and julia..the long hair soul..lols..and i..the hysterical slow monster..lols.. =P
went home to have dinner then..he called last night too talked..almost patch but didnt..

was woken up by a phone call asking mi to go for 2nd interview..was suppose to go bugis n orchard for interview but sincee that seem of a higher chance coz it's already 2nd interview..so i went..took a cab down..actually..i watched "dono what to date my teenage daughter"..was a sad episode..cried..lols..

all went well for the interview..made a new friend..she's frm china..all alone in singapore..we got along quite well even thou she was 20+ lols..i'm so friendly rights??.. *wink wink*..i just know tt..


the job had a mixture of male n female environment..by right..was allowed to work in female environment coz didnt want him to feel insecure..but i realised..i like this job n i'm interested in it..cant possibly give it up just for e sake of letting him feel secured..but i was selfish for tt..thinking of my own welfare..i didnt allowed him to work in k-box in the past coz got girls and saw there as a complicated working environment..now that i wanna work in a place i like..i realised how he felt then.i felt selfish.wanted to tell him tt i've thot thru it to not tie him down n bent on him to work only in a male environment..but he instead said tt watever i wanna do den he can do..if i dont wanna do then he also cant do..quite true..it was only after i experienced the feeling myself tt i decided to allow him..was selfish indeed.really very selfish of mi..but how wud i know how it wud be if i nv experience such situation b4??again..i shudnt have sstopped u when i dono the really consequences and ur thoughts and ur feelings..i'm so sorry..i mean..i am really sorry..he previous entry made him felt like a baddie..but tt wasnt my intention..i was trying to explain the reason for changing..sorry if u felt bad..but i've nv blamed u b4..

and..i was the one who became over protective over him first..coz i felt insecure..even if u leave mi one day..u have nth to lose..but mi?i'm on the losing end..i'm sorry..and now..i really know the feeling of being too tied up..and realised tt u need to breathe too now tt i feel tt i need to breathe too..yes..another selfish act..allowing u to have freedom only when i myself wanted it..yes..i'm selfish but if i had known of this feeling earlier..i wudnt have been so protective over you..or control u..i'm sorry..

hais..survived last night with jam's help..she chatted with mi on e phone till two am..chatted a lot abt guys and everything.i guess..the breakup was not his fault..i contributed to it too..hais..since dono when..i've changed frm a very obedient girl who always listens n does wat he wants mi to do..nv answer back or be rude to him...to a girl which i can say..knows wat is right..i sacrificed many things to be with him..precious stuff..my parents and my bestest friend ever..gladys..when i realised tt life seemed so lonely for mi..i felt tt i shud change..stop thinking abt doing things for him only.wat abt my parents?i cant be so selfish..and..when i was with him..i was like living his life..not my life.couldnt do ordinary stuff like wat a normal teenager wud do..being controlled more than my parents do.couldnt go out with friends.i cant even remember when and why we had this policy of forbidding one another from going out with friends.things got so bad tt i started lying to him in order to go out with my friends..we quarreled and broke up many times coz of this.y did i lie.coz i wanted to breakfree.u dont lie when u go out with friends coz u know i wont be upset if u mention it to mi.wat abt mi.each time i asked if i could go out.u'll get all so upset n angry.recently.he said tt i didnt cared much about him anymore.i didnt do the things i promised him in e past.promises i made when i allowed myself to shut others out of my life except him.yes.sounds sweet.but then i realised this is a very insensitive and selfish act.i neglected the people around mi.ppl who cared and love mi too.i guess we broke up due to my change..he tot i was selfish..thinking only for myself..but no..i'm thinking for everyone else who cares n loves mi..just coz u're not e only one in my world doesnt mean tt i dont love or care for u..it's just tt my care n love is not focused only on u alone..but also on parents too..maybe he just cant accept this change in me and i cant accept his idea of only always thinking of him n doing things for him.i believe he too thinks for his mummy too..i shall call u one last time..baby..i dont blame u for wat happen neither do i want you to hate mi for wat i've done..if u're to be more mature..u'll realise tt love is never to be only belonged to one person but it can also be given to many other group of ppl..like families..you'll also realised tt love has gives and takes..i guess i've given too much for this relationship..so much so that i now just want to give more to my parents..ppl whom i also love as deeply as i love you..we have become so comfortable with each other..thinking aiya..she/he wont mind de la..but some actions do hurt oneself too..tt was the last thing tt happen to us.shud learn to understand this fact tt no matter how close we are..we still must have respect for one another..and i have always respected you..i know u do too.but some actions of urs dont..and i too have scolded u with vulgarities..why?coz i got carried away..too angry and i really feel bad about it..i hope if we ever get back together..our love story will be so much better~!no matter wat happens..i still hope u'll get the best and will be happy..i miss you..i really do but i really want us to see ou flaws in our relationship and see how we could have done certain things better..for one another so tt if we ever get back together..ou love story will be flawless which is too unrealistic but at least..close to being flawless..i love you baby..and i also love my parents too..this breakup..gives mi time to return my love to my parents..after hurting them so badly in e past..they've changed for mi..i shud too..take the effort to change for them..

i love my phone..can zi lian now..muahaha..went to ikea on saturday..bought a mirror + computer table + a shelf..kekes..nice!went to meet hubby on sunday after having lunch at home with my beloved parents.went to a funeral den went back to his house and sleep..woke up..went to his house downstairs for dinner and headed home..went for a job interview yesterday..den went to walk around before heading home for dinner..dad was helping mi put up my mirroe + shelf..how sweet of him..things wud have been impossible without my daddy!had tom yam soup last night for dinner..superb!couldnt slp last night wors..made x'mas card den till i finally fell asleep..woke up late.suppose to wake up at 6am..bathe n take a bus down to hiis house..instead..i woke up only at 11..went to bathe n met him in orchard..the moment he saw mi..he laughed at my outfit..was kinda upset but tolerated with him..went into BK coz i got voucher so he bought his lunch n i had a taro turnover.i threw e voucher at him n he got so angry tt even after he had eaten finish..we walked seperately in far east..sort things out thru sms..i sort it out..i was e one who decided to sms him..finally we were fine until he said he wanted to make his hair..he wanna let his friend ah liang do..i tot he was a trainee but who knows he turned out to be a stylist..then my boy got so angry just coz i insulted his friend as a trainee..he then tot i was hao lianing my hairdo which was done by some professional + veh expensive..den he said i kanna cheated when i already felt veh bad for spending so much money on my hair lers..so i scolded him cheeb*e..and he scolded mi lao cheeb*e back..we headed to the taxi straight..i tried to hong him but he was still angry..yes..i did scold u..but u not at fault too meh/?hais.i also dono since when i became so hot tempered..especially in front of u..mayb it's time i change..each time we quarrel..u always e one remaining angry..i'm always e one trying to hong u..dont u think u're veh petty..never seen such a petty guy..u werent like this in e past..yes..u also got hong mi at times..tt's after u're tired of having e cold war..me lehs?i hong u coz i dont want us to continue being foes like tt.i really wish we could just go out together..happily..ur arms around my waist..when u see nice clothes..u'd say i shud go try tt on..or maybe just ask mi go in see..when i shop..i'll also bring u into guys shop to see male clothes wat..tt's my ideal shopping date with u..but it's impossible..we broke up in e cab..he just slam e cab door and left..u must b thinking it's all my fault..i only know how to break..but dnt u think tt we;ve gone thru all these fightings dozen times..and it keeps repeating..even if we solve today's argument..we'll still be back to square one again..one day..sorry for everything..i always believe tt if we're meant to be..we'll be together eventually de..mean while..i'll mend my temper while i hope u'll find someone who's able to accept u for who u are..i still love you..

wakaka..today's friday..went for interview on monday..didnt mit jam..met her on tuesday instead..went shopping and took fotos.sho nice..jam curl her hair temporary..vehh chio and cute lohs..nv bluff.hais.jam always looks good in anything..mi damn envious lohs.hais..=))oh yes..i'm employed with low salary..lols..nvm lahs.at least got some money to get..=))went for ex-class bbq cum chalet.had fun bbq-ing for them..felt nice..lols.was glad to see gladys.huishi.waiyee coz they couldnt come initially and i have been waiting for them e whole time but i left shortly after tt to meet baby..well..went to where he was working..he was working at a ballotingdinner.went der to wash plates..actually wanna go celebrate eric's bday but work till 1am..too late lers.so went his house to sleep.slept till 3.3opm e next day..went home after eating..just came back from orchard..went in e morning with mum n bro to have our hair done..curled + dyed my hair..my mummy too.went to mit daddy at hyatt hotel but e buffet dinner fully booked so we went to mariott hotel.nice christmas dinner..their cheesecake is fabulous..=))..went to see my bro's N90 and out of temptation..he bought it and mummy n daddy asked mi to choose a phone..wakaka.was so happy n touched..mummy n daddy loves mi~!wanted 7610 but not in market le..so bought 6680..changed my number too wakaka..traded in my g8000..happiness but guilty for spending so much of my daddy's money...when i work..i'll make sure i pay him back..hopefully my O level result satisfying so tt wont disappoint my beloved daddy..my dad's e best dad in e world i tell u..he always thinks for everyone n thinks about himself e last..he is thrifty and faithfully..responsible father n husband..wish my future hubby will b like my dad..love my dad loads..just quarrel with him..long story..cant b bothered to type it out..jam..i hope u n him will settle things once n for all and lead a happy life together..=))

went to ton with him on 1 dec..went prawn fishing tt night.i didnt catch a single shrimp...=((..went home at around 6 plus in da morning..slept till noon..supposed to mit jam go for e RP talk but didnt..went to mit his frens n cooked dinner..baby's noodles were delicious~! oh no..feel like eating it now//..went to sentosa on saturday with jia qi + bel + jam..fun floating in e sea n chatting away..jam..u go for STAR IDOL lahs..lols..left earlier to go to my nai nai's house..dropped by TM bought a shirt for my baby cousin coz didnt get him anything frm shanghai..kekes..watched videos frm shanghai n it was funny..realised tt i have a hysterical laughter..lols..went home early tt night coz baby cousin-binbin hit against e coffee table n had a swollen cheek so we drove him home quickly.poor thing!..met baby on sunday..went o ikea for window shopping!planning to buy many things lohs..make my room nice nice!might be going to jam's house later coz today's lydia's birthday..need to plan smt for her wors..kekes.den going down to clementi for e photoshop job..might be going to take pis with jam..it's been ages since we llast took pics..lalala..tt's all..tata peeps

i'm back~!!!!!!

i bought many pirated stuff..well..wat else can u find in shanghai..anyway..i'm in love with shanghai..i feel like staying der..if only my parents n baby was der..it wud have been perrfect!!!waahahah..i suppose u know how happy i am!so glad to be home..gonna find baby early next morning!miss him wors..baby..i only cut hair..nv dye or curl..no time and sorry for neglecting u all alone in spore for e past few days//..and jam..i can see u're happy..but still dono if u're really happy for e past few days..sure not happy de lahs..i not around mahs..lols.i miss my parents..my baby and my friends.sadness nv attend class gathering..baby entering army lers..hais.i veh sad wors..no baby no life..=((..bought more stuff for mum..well..easier to buy gifts for ladies mahs..i feel so guilty..dad sponsor mi for e trip n i only bought him socks n belt..sound so pathetic rights?well..it is..i must buy him a better xmas pressie wors..or else i'll feel so bad~!SORRY DAD..BUT U KNOW I STILL LOVE U!!dad seem to have grown thinner..everyone slimming down except mi..whyyyy?????!!!!hais..feels gd to b back home..so cosy~!gonna admire my bed now..tatas~!