ok..i've spoken to my grp mates.they said it's truly abt me being too competitive and everything.n they dun hate me.ok.i'm a happier girl now! =)).indeed i was being paranoid.lols.=pp.mayb we just couldnt communicate well tt day.lols.amelia was such an agitated girl tt day.tt's y tt someone shouted at me.lols.so..let's say i deserve it?..i dono..hmmm..

catch up on new matters thru blog hopping.and jam..sorry for not being able to pei u lately.even cant pei u go home.sorry girl! even if u dun call me no more.i wont blame u and i cant blame u coz i've been neglecting u.sorry..i'm just terribly bz..so once got time it's either him or u.when i've the time..u'd be still in school!hais.just hope our love for each other wont fade.hahas!

sam..seems u're back w/ him..saw it on jam's blog.good!=))
mayb u tot u're better w/ him..mayb aft being back w/ him again..u'd realise..u're the best w/ him! i truly hope things have changed le.and tt he'd treat you many many times bettter than b4.i wish tt u'll receive happiness this time round! and really..i believe u made a decision aft much tot.so i guess u're really serious and if it still doesnt work out..(touchwood)..just tell urself u've done ur very best le!

leeling! thanks for everything..who is leeling?? well..she's a bubbly girl who has a kind heart..she stood by me when i was down and shecomforts me even thou both of us are upset.so i wanna say a big thank you to her.she gave me a feeling like..i can rely on her..even if the whole class hates me she'll stay by me!i'm so glad.=)).leeling~! thank you! muahhs!


4.30pm
1. you got great results
2. u're being condemned by others

which would you prefer not to have?..i simple hate being condemned by others..so what if my results are good? it doesnt mean a thing to me. and i seriously dare say that i've worked hard for it and god has given me my fair share of what i deserve.


why?..why is my grp members changing to another grp?..leaving me and leeling behind..is it just me or is it both of us?i choose to believe it's simply coz of me.and leeling's with me in this coz she's closer to me.how would i know?..everyone sms her to apologise.. is it even fair for her?..hais.i myself felt it wasnt fair for me already..what's more for her?..well..they apologised only to her only coz they've found out how unfair they've been to leeling. and..me? they simply have a problem with me..what problem??..i really dono and would like to know.

the reason gave for changing grps is coz they felt tt WE'RE perfectionists and too competitive.i guess there's more to it. tt reason was made to make it look as thou both leeling and i are in it together so tt we wouldnt or leeling wouldnt feel so upset.i believe there's more on my part alone and they just don wanna say.maybe i'm just being paranoid but try having a grp member shouting into ur face saying ' there must be smt wrong w/ u tt's why we're changing grps!'..see what i mean?

then i wonder..they said so many reasons for changing grps.first they said they wanna try working w/ other members in the class( tt's to hide the real reason which simply couldnt pull everything off).the next minute u said tt u're just adding another member to a grp and not changing grps.what is all these?.. things have come to this stage..why cant u all just open up and say everything truthfully?..no point hiding any truth anymore even thou truth hurts.hiding the truth wont make u look like a better person..

if i could..i wish i didnt appeared such a perfectionist in front of them for i'm really not like that..everyone should know..my secondary friends..pri sch friends.they all know i'm no perfectionist! i guess tt's just an excuse?..i nv knew such excuse can be used as a reason to change grp..whatever?!


jesus loves me and that's all i need..he's love. =)

One day, she dug a little hole, and put her HURT inside. she thought that she could just FORGET, she'd put it there to HIDE. But that little HURT began to grow. She covered it everyday. she couldn’t let go and move on. It seemed like the price she had to pay.

Her joy was GONE, her heart felt sad and pain was all she knew and experienced. Her wounded soul enveloped her. Loving someone seemed too hard to do. One day, while standing by her hole, she cried to god above.

And just like that, He was right there. He placed his arms around her. He wiped her tears and said, " My hurting child, there was no safer place to be." she told him all about her hurt. she opened up her heart, He listened to each and every word to every sordid part.

she dug down deep and got out her HURT. she brushed the dirt away and placed it on god’s hand. Healing came to her on that day. He took the darkness of her soul and set her spirit free! Something beautiful began to grow at where HURT used to be.

And when she looked at what has grown out of her tears and pain, she remembered to give her HURT to god everyday and never to bury them again!

Dearest Jamie..whatever it is. Just don’t bury all ur pain deep inside. smiling on the outside but wounded and torn inside is wat I see when I look at you.
If u’re sad..just cry out coz there is no need for u to hide ur feelings.humans all have feelings.it’s ok to feel heartbroken. Because I dono how to comfort you.i just hope that u wouldn’t bottle up ur feelings.not healthy.

Our life is a gift from god, what we do with that life is our gift to god. So Jamie, do something useful with your life.be happy and I’m sure that would be the best gift to god. =))

Always remember that everyone who loves you are standing by the road..we saw u fall..we saw u bleed..and saw u cry..but we’re all not laughing at you.so there’s no need for u to hide ur pain. We know how painful a fall is. and We’re all waiting to see you rise.since people who made u fall just wanna see u sad and bruised, all the more u should stand up and walk bravely, with an open heart and mind..for you’ll never know who’s waiting for you further down the road, waiting to hold your hand and walk down the rest of the road with you..

Sorry that I cant walk w/ u till the end of the road..and that I can only stand at the side to witness ur ups and downs, pray for you and celebrate ur new found happiness.


bitter and sweet are the tastes of life. we tend to dwell on bitterness rather than sweetness..forgetting that sweetness are the best things in life and that bitterness is only here to remind us how sweetness taste.

i had an ok weekend! =))..spent my saturday with my parents and went to my nai nai's hse..havent been to her hse for like 3 weeks le.so..the feeling to be there again is great..spending time with my parents and relatives.=))..

sunday..it was fathers' day..and i didnt buy or made anything for my beloved daddy..instead..i went out early in the morning to meet dear and left at 12 plus to yew tee for my community involvement programme..boredom..i felt kinda sad not being able to be home to spend fathers' day with my daddy..

so..i decided to dedicate this entry to him..the GREATEST DADDY EVER!

my father..he may look like any other father in the world..with wrinkles appearing on his face as years go by..these wrinkles are one of the things i fear most..they are signs of my father aging.i dono why..his every new grey hair or new wrinkle never fail to make me sad.i dono why..i guess..i'm just scared to lose my daddy..='(


my daddy may have wrinkles and grey hair but to me..he's still young in his heart and the most handsome father ever..he doesnt have a belly! he jogs every monday, wednesday, friday and sundays..so..u see..he's young and healthy! healthier than me!
he has a flatter tummy than me..!

my dad is a quiet man..who likes nature and its peace..he doesnt speak much..and when he speaks..it would be about something interesting or funny..and yes..he's jokes are very bo liao sometimes.but i still enjoy listening to them! =))
he finds things tt usually dont interest people..interesting! he is someone who thinks rationally and sees things in a different way than others..

he loves the family more than himself..is this good?no! i want my daddy to pamper himself too..and not always just us..but i'm blessed to have him as my daddy..really.
he is very thrifty..and i mean really thrifty..he hardly buys things for himself..he goes to cheap malay barbers for haircut..while my brother, i and my mummy goes to hairdressing salons to cut our hair..

one sad thing is that..my daddy doesnt share his problems with us..the family..i guess he wants to shoulder everything himself..and not affect the family with his problems..allowing me to study with no distractions and my brother too.yes..that's really sweet of him..but i feel sad too..and cant wait to share his problems with him one day.

my daddy is a patient man and a simple father..who only asks for a simple and peaceful life.he doesnt buy 4d..doesnt buy toto.doesnt drink..well..but of coz he drinks during chinese new year..but he'd only drink a bit only..i think i drink more..=pp

i guess he is hardly angry and is most of the time contented with wat he has. Even when he's angry..ok..maybe not angry..let's say..when he's really unhappy...he may look fierce and everything..but i believe he's feeling really sad deep inside..he hides his feelings.

for the past 17 years, i've never seen my father and mother quarreling..i guess..he's a quiet man..a very patient man..he is the sort of husband and father who would follow his wife and children for shopping even though he finds it boring.he doesnt complain..when he's ill..he just wouldnt go to the doctors..but go to pharmacies to buy medicine.but he hardly falls ill.

my daddy wakes up 4.30am in the morning..leaves home at 5am to go to his office..only comes home at 4pm..he always come home on time and straight after work.he'd have a bit of snack..bathe..and read the newspaper then watch the news..have dinner..watch a bit of television..and now that he's taking up japanese lesson..he studies every night after dinner..watches the 9pm news..and goes to bed by 9.30pm.

that's his lifestyle..and that's something i would really like to change for him one day when i have the ability.=))

i want to give my daddy a better life after his retirement.i want him to be able to do whatever he has ever wished for.

he has given his best to provide for this family and has never complained..his love is what i call undying love..he shows me that love is never selfish. whenever i feel upset over certain matters..he'd tell me that life's like that..and that there's nothing to be upset about.i believe my daddy would even give me the world if he is able to.he doesnt express his love well but the things that he has done is enough.
daddy, if i ever could, i would give you the world too!=))

my dad's words have never fail to console me. like dear said..dear's 10 words can never be compared to my daddys's 1 word..=))

no matter what wrong i've done, my daddy would always let me rely on him..always be there for me..he doesnt push neither me nor my brother..he leaves everything to us to plan for ourselves..he always supports us in whatever decision we make..and i admit..that i havent been a good daughter lately and sometimes, i really wish i had the same interest as him..daddy likes to go for nature walks but i hate it coz..i hate to encounter any animal or reptiles!i wish to share his problems and have endless topics to talk to him about.

i yearn for the day when i'm old and have the ability to shoulder my daddy's burdens.=))


my daddy is the best daddy ever, i know everyone thinks that their own dad is the best..but he is the king of my heart..and i'm really blessed to have such a wonderful man as my daddy..



i love you daddy..although we dont kiss nor hug like other child and father, but i noe deeply in my heart that u love everyone in the family very much.but i guess..i have never done anything to really show u how much i love and how blessed i am to have you as my daddy.and i am really sorry to have made u upset many many times.and i hope that u know that i really love you too..=))


those are the things i really wish to tell my beloved daddy! but i think..he isnt used to such mushy stuff..so..i'd say all these in my heart every night..<33s




amelia loves her daddy very much..coz he's really a very great and wonderful father..

i've come to the end of the second week of my holiday and..i havent done much work yet.hais.i'm so disappointed w/ myself.

wednesday, i accompanied dear to the doctor's for his ankle's checkup..walked around orchard and went back to his hse..went home at about 9pm..
thursday, i spent the whole day at home..doing..nothing..ok..well..my building materials application elearning assignment lohs.hais.feeling really sick and forgetful lately.yes..studying is great..it keeps ur mind awake.
on thursday, his ex added me in friendster..and i felt freaking upset..coz she used to be so pretty..unlike me.fat and ugly..hais.i felt super zhi bei coz she's got big boobies..='((.i know its stupid but i cant help it! and she's so sexy..me lehs..try to be sexy let ppl laugh and scold only lohs.hais.i felt damn sad..cried myself to sleep.

was unable to wake up on friday for my cca..but luckily i did.was kinda late but jam was later than i was..went there..meeting lasted for abt 45 minutes and we left for bugis.wanted to get him a long sleeve shirt he always wanted as his 33rd month gift..but while shopping..i forgot to sms to tell him tt i reach bugis le.he was angry and i dont blame him.it's all my fault.last time whenever he doesnt inform mi about his arrival at some place..i'll get angry too.so what to do?..i was moodless..almost felt like crying..coz lately, he's been really fierce to me.and plus the invasion of his ex..i really couldnt help but think tt he doesnt love me anymore since he's always so fierce to me lately.jam n i went home after a while, empty handed.
reached home...slept till dinner..den he called..asked mi to meet him coz he fang gong le.was hesitant about it.coz i dont wish to fight and quarrel with him anymore.i'm sick of feeling all those..it'll only make me sad..thinking we're together to fight..not to love.i've been consoling myself..each time smt happens.i'll tell myself..this world is still beautiful.and jam once told me.friends of god are people who make peace..not make war.i wanna be a friend of god.

went out eventually..he camee to fetch me.we went to bugis again.and...he bought himself his long wanted shirt and i felt like a loser..lost to him..sad that i couldnt buy it for him b4 he buys it himself.hais.while walking, we saw my cca ppl.a guy.i remember telling dear my cca grp only got indians and muslim..no chinese..i forgot about my group head..he's the one we saw and he's a chinese.hais.he got all upset and everything.why..why is he always angry w/ me.what to do.i was like this too.whenever he misses out someone..i'll be angry too.it's all retribution.the only time i enjoyed last night was sitting in mos burger..drinking milk tea with him.=))

we cleared up our fight and went home aft tt..we talked over the phone and hung up after a while.he then sms telling me about his plans for sunday..then i told him i will be having my CIP work on sunday.he got pissed again because i didnt tell him b4hand.i lied saying tt i did.hais.which i shouldnt have..guess that made him more pissed.but i just simply forgot to tell him wat.hais.there is no need for him to be so mad at me.


why why are you always so mad at me over small matters. i swear i forgot and its not coz i didnt bother to tell u anything.hais.maybe u just dono how i've been feeling lately.ever since tt day we chiong..i've been feeling troubled and down..my heart seem to be somewhere else.and it really hurts me whenever u dont believe that i forgot something and when u believe that i was only trying to lie to you when i'm not.i feel really troubled w/ myself for being so forgetful and troubled w/ you being so ever fierce w/ me lately.
you said i needed more protection from u in the past and i seem stronger now.


yes..i was strong..but u wore me down..when u were the only one who can make me strong and happy again.


dang wo nan guo de shi hou..dang wo liu lei de shi hou ni zhi dao mah?..dui ni lai shuo, wo hai shi ge xi huan sa huang de nu shen..bu shi ni de lao po.



wei she me yao dui wo na me xiong..shi bu shi ni bu zai teng wo le?..='(

hmmm...let's talk abt clubbing last friday..well well!JAM went! super happy!

met jam and went her hse..did my elearning der coz my comp was super lag in the afternoon.pissed me off!

went to bishan at ard 8.30..took neos! =))..JAM looks like JOCIE GUO..that GUO MEI MEI singer in e pics and she camouflaged..lols.


=))




we then took a bus to clementi..she bought KFC to ah wee's hse..ah wee's the main lead tt day..coz it's his last night out..coz he's entering the army..!well..he's already inside! GOOD!..like this dear's attention will be all mine!

waited...and waited....and endlessly waited...finally..we went to MUSIC UNDERGROUND.been there twice before..w/ dear and his friends..didnt dance before..=pp..shyness mahs..


anyhow..tt night..dear gave me cold shoulders..coz i lied about going to buy a tube as an excuse to go out..=pp..well..didnt talk from ah wee's hse all the way to MU!
there, jam wanted to dance..we left our bags in karen's care and danced..first time! =))..then tis guy was beside us..well...whatelse..he wanted jam's number..aft some time..dear came over and almost had a fight w/ them..he thot tt guy was harassing us.. scared the ass outta me and jam..aft tt..he left and left our bags behind.i was so mad at him for leaving jam n i all alone in MU..disappointed w/ him.oh ya.they didnt fight in the end lahs.=))hengs!


jam n i went out..saw them at 7-eleven approaching us..decided to avoid him coz i was pissed at him for leaving me n jam behind..!jam n i walked pass him n his friends and entered 7-11..he waited outside..jam stayed inside..waiting for us to settle our dispute.hais.was a horrible fight.we started by shouting at one another..like nobody's business lahs.lols.but..all's fine..guess jam's panadols were the thing tt made him cool off..=((..not me..hais.he treat jam a drink which tasted horrible lahs.by the time i finish the drink..oh..i shared the drink w/ jam..lols.by the time i went back into MU..i was a bit giddy liaos.LAO SAI lahs me..LOUSY! puii~lols.

everyone danced together.. his friends' attention were on jam..and i was angry coz even dear had his attention on her..and..he introduced jam to his friend whereas he didnt introduce me to his friends! i was freaking jealous..!!!!ok..i noe i'm lame lahs..we went home..at ard 5am..guess wat..saw someone outside MU..to pick up jam..so sweet..i doubt i'll ever have such stuff happening to me..first..dear where got tt sweet..=((..and..i'll nv have any admirers..sad-lism lahs..hais.

dear n i reached home n we were happy..in fact..i wasnt very happy lohs.still mad abt that introduction stuff..but didtn say out..we decided to eat..wanted to eat nasi lemak in west coast..but my helmet was stolen coz dear left it downstairs..so we went to pasar..had economic..vegetarian bee hoon..had no appetite!..coz sadness fills me..

went home..slept..till 3pm..woke up..went his eldest sis's hse for his mahjong session..while i was alighting on his bike..i pressed on his fresh tattoo..he was in pain..i landed on a wet grass patch and continued to press..as in grip his arm for support..he was so fierce can! he shouted at me and walked off..i was super sad then..this incident plus tt introduction sadness made me went into depression at his sis's hse..was quiet..but started interacting w/ his niece n nephew aft some time..played mahjong..i'm still at a stage..lower than beginner's stage..lols.he shouted at me again..well..because i was stupid asking him stuff which would give our cards away to others..but still..he no needa shout at me in front of his relatives right?!anyhow..his niece n nephews were cam-whoring w/ my phone..lols.super cute..keep asking me to take pictures of them.lols




he finished playing only at around 10pm..went to geylang..wanted to eat some stuff..but ended up in a ulu restaurant owned by some china ppl..has XIAO LONG BAO! superb..so nice lahs..we then DA BAO chilli crab and went home to eat..slurps! i was a satisfied woman!=))

he den fell asleep..leaving me alone..first..i was sad..coz it's e last night toning in his hse n if i slp time would pass real soon..then i thot abt all the incidents..from introduction..to tattoo shouting and mahjong shouting in front of his relatives..started to cry..felt he didnt introduce me to his friends coz i'm not worth seeing and to be made known to his friends..just not someone whom he would want his friends to meet..since i'm not pretty and everything! i was freaking sad abt tt matter..hais..he kept kicking me while he was slping n while i was already so sad and crying..he was slping like a pig..forgotting all abt my existence..if i slp also nv liddat lohs.if i kick something..i'll open my eyes abit to see wat i kicked lohs.he just didnt care lahs.hais..i'm non-existence mahs..='(


woke up the next day w/ swollen eyes yet he didnt realise it..hais.he doesnt observe me..no attention...=((..coz i not pretty..no slim not gentle mahs..hais..
we went west coast..to eat nasi lemak! nice..was raining heavily..sat there to wait for the rain to stop..dono y..i starting telling him abt my sad-ism..i bth le.so say out..he tried to comfort me..but i was too sad to bother abt his explaination coz it's no use le.his reason for introduction was coz he's drunk..yaya..drunk intro my friend and not intro jam lahs..might as well intro jam as ur gf lahs!hais..i noe i'm super lame jealous!but just couldnt help it..all those stuff really lowered my self esteem..plus..wanted to wear a dress to club but he said i look funny..ya..since when you'd say i look nice in anything?..hais..i'm freaking ugly lahs..i noe..hais..and dear said tt i dance damn ugly..freaking-fcuking-ly sad!


went home in the rain..i went home and went to 4destinee's gathering..went to ZHEN FA steamboat! kekes.nice nice nice! didnt eat much..was talking abt the feeling..glad to see my classmates esp someone special..she was there..=))and she looks fine..=)

everyone was cam-whoring lahs..esp jam! lols.

went home then..went for CSCC meeting yesterday..jam over slept..i had a terrible diarrhoea the previous nigjht..didnt slp well.couldnt wake up..sweet thing tt dear came to fetch me in da morning!fetched me to go for breakfast and to sch..else i'll be missing the meeting like jam..left sch at 1.30pm..bought lunch for dear..was super sad when he wasnt glad tt i bought lunch for he him..he just went back to slp aft knowing i've arrived..hais.i went to eat in e kitchen..on the verge of crying coz i was feeling unwell yet i still went to buy him lunch under the freaking hot sun n he didnt appreciate it at all.hais..he then woke up..ate the lunch i bought for him n i went home coz i was feeling terrible..took a bus home while he stayed home to sleep.

went out w/ mum and bro today..bought a ESPIRIT top and a ZARA top..i've nv spend so much on tops lahs.anyway..was feeling terrible when i woke up in the morning..my ass hurt..i was aching from head to toe..even my ass!!
felt better while shopping..felt worse as time went by..we then went to NEWTON to meet my beloved daddy!=))for dinner..didnt eat anything..had no appetite..hais.was feeling horrible..reached home..and watched tv..slacked..shite me.i havent even started studying or havent finish all my homework lahs.hais.dad say tt i maybe suffering from aedes!scared can..coz my body was aching more than usual symptoms of normal fever..
oh yeahs..gonna do some admin work now! tatas~!

oh yay! it's the holidays and i'm so very happy!

and yes..we're fine..=)).and we took some pictures together recently!=))s





here's me in his army cap! spastic me~!



and here's pictures of his bike! =Ds





my name sits on his bike..=))



yeaps..so..here's a brief on what i've been doing lately.

friday 2june06 - my last test paper! stayed in school, completed some work and went holland village with leeling.she headed back to sch n i went to meet dear.we watched the I LOVE MY FAMILY movie.it was alright and we went his hse.slacked and i went home le.
saturday 3june06 - went out w/ jam n bel..walked around..bel left..me n jam shopped around and we sat down to chat..=))we took a pic!it's nice and i was like a ghost..freaking pale n white!BAHS
sunday 4june06 - met dear..went to marina square and we quarrel from the moment we met till we were in marina square.pissed off and left there early.in the midst of our arguement..he still took to me to esplanade..somewhere which i told him i would love to go with him.and i was super happy!=)).thanks dear!<3s.we went geylang..lols.to have dinner lahs!!so nice lahs.had dou jiang you tiao!lalaals.oh noe.i'm so hungry now lahs!BLEAHS.i'm getting fatter liaos.sadness...=((BOO!!
monday 5june06 - accompanied jam to far east to trim her fringe.went to j8 n met her cousin.jam n i were like super bad tt day..we wanted to take neo and we didnt have the money lahs.so freaking broke..we were hoping to meet ppl we know n borrow money.lols.and joked about walking off straight if the person doesnt wanna lend us money or have no money themselves.super evil right?lols.wadever!=pp
tuesday 6june06 - woke up early in the morning to go for my dental appointment w/ my mummy!walked ard bugis aft tt coz the clinic was near bugis.went home.mummy bought me a bag.thanks mummy!=)).i took a nap..woke up and dressed to meet my long lost beloved primary school friend ARIANA!!!..she's still the same.and i'm so glad to be able to go out w/ her! had a great day n we took neos!so satisfied w/ our outing!=))
wednesday 7 june06 - which is today..went to sch to do project..well i feel damn bad.firstly my grp met up at 12pm and i just woke up lahs!prepared and reached there only ard 2pm.=pp.i crapped and wrote nonsense and left to meet dear.so unproductive lahs!!!shiat me!i feel so guilty.so these few days i'll stay home to do my work!


oh yay! friday i'm ton-ing!hope jam can make it!
hais.jam.i really pray tt u can go n i myself think tt u should.when will u ever get to go clubbing for free and w/ me.what's more..my bf's friends arent tt scary.i noe them for 2 yrs plus le.they don't have any supply of things to dope ur drink or anything.hais.i just really wish u would go.if we go..my bf's friends are like non-existent coz i wont talk to them lahs.it's feel as thou it's only u n me.and i will definitely look after u lohs.u go clubbing w/ me for the first time and it's a bestie's responsibility to take care of u.wont let u get out of my sight de.hais.anyhow.just wish tt u can make it.really need u..coz like i said if u go..it'd be like there's only u n me.and if u nv go..it'd be like..i'm there alone.bf will be entertaining n talking to his friends n he always ignore me coz when i get bored i talk cock n he'll gimme the turn off face..and purposely ignore my crappiness..=((.so yeahs..sam!i hope u can go too!i share the sentiments if u go as the sentiments i have if jam goes.=))..it'll be like a girls' night out!
so yeahs..




if u all dont go..then it's ok..hais.just sit there and look at ppl dance lohs.=((